Whether you’re single or in a relationship, we should celebrate one type of love that is the most important of all – and that is the one we have for ourselves. “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

No matter how much we care about and love the people in our lives, unless we are whole ourselves, we will keep filling the void through relationships. We may unconsciously place expectations on others what we’d like to have filled in for ourselves. Sometimes this is not healthy as it may become an emotional burden to others and create some destructive behavioral patterns.

We must first be happy with ourselves in order to make others happy.

Some people think that entering a relationship can help elevate our mood and get us out of an emotional rut. The high we get from entering a new relationship only lasts so long. That high we get is not real happiness, it’s oxytocin. That high we get that drives us to do sweet things for our partner is not going to last unless we are truly happy with ourselves.

So ask yourself this question,

Am I happy with myself? Am I able to independently make myself happy?

If not, what do you feel is missing?

One important lesson I’ve learned over the past few years is that you can only give what you have in yourself. This understanding has helped me learn to see that unless the person I’m interested in is whole and happy with himself, he is not going to be able to give back the kind of love that is whole and happy after the love hormone has run out.

We can only give love, if we have love within ourselves. We can only give compassion, if we have compassion for ourselves. We can only be understanding towards others, if we have understanding towards ourselves. We can only accept others, if we have accepted ourselves.

If you have a void to fill in in your own heart or a wound to heal in yourself, then you will continuously seek to have these wounds kissed by people who share the same wounds. This can feel very familiar and comforting, but oftentimes it becomes destructive.

So first, heal yourself, so that you can find the kind of love that is whole. I wish you find the love that you seek. But it must first start with ourselves. 🙂

Archana Bhardwaj 
Instagram

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Wonder Women World. If you wish to write /contribute you can reach us at [email protected] or here-> CONTACT US