It’s time that the world sees the wonder men as well!

It’s what you see, with the lens that you use!

MY FATHER, NK, whom I lost at the age of 13, was a great man in every aspect. He worked in Reserve Bank of India in Mumbai, was extraordinarily intelligent and was very humble. He had many friends, was very generous and helped many people in many ways. He was in a very high position at a very young age and was a role model to the entire family of nine in the 1950s. He earned, he shared, he guided others and suddenly exited from this planet at the age of 52, at the peak of his career and when his children were in late teens, embarking into adulthood. It seemed as though he handed over the baton to his son to lead others. He was the pillar for his family, his siblings and children. He loved his wife, my mother and I could see it. I remember once, him kissing on her cheek before he left for office, I was ten then! Love was self revealing!

MY OLDER BROTHER, KN, is a replica of my father. He’s a scientist by profession, went far away to America in the 60’s to provide for his siblings after my father’s demise. During his Ph.D studies, he managed to live within the meagre funding from the university and sent home money every month for ten years without fail. A man of integrity, walked the talk, very patient, with good listening skills, contributed entirely for my marriage expenses. His two younger brothers and two younger sisters are better placed today because of his committed support for their education.

MY SECOND OLDER BROTHER, SK, is always a go getter! He is a man who is ever active, emotional, worked very hard. I can’t forget how much he contributed physically at my wedding from A to Z! He was the successful event coordinator! When he started working for a paycheck, he took over the responsibility of providing for his siblings for the next few years! He followed my older brother very much like Lakshma who followed Rama. That internal commitment is admirable!

MY YOUNGER BROTHER, RK, is another gem! By the time he started working, every one of his siblings were settled but it was though almighty wanted to give him a chance too! My older sister lost her husband and he contributed to her daughter’s wedding! He was also there for me, when my husband passed away and extended his love and moral support to me and my children. None of their timely support could be compensated by any thing. They did their best!

Life is not easy for anyone. Everyone has their own challenges, family and responsibilities but the willingness to go beyond, to support other family members, in whatever way possible is commendable! That’s what my brothers consistently did! Of course, their family was fully involved as well.

The fourth man of my life is MY HUSBAND popularly called as RJ. When we were married, I was surprised to hear him say to me, ‘You’re on your own. Don’t always tag along with me. This is your home, you’re the lady of the house. Whatever you decide, you buy, is fine. You don’t need my permission for anything. I’m not going to question what, where and why you did, whatever you do!’. I was 25!  He was the breadwinner and I was a stay at home person, in today’s words, a homemaker!

We did not run, play and sing like the movies that I saw. Real life was different than what I saw in those movies but I learnt to be independent, use my logical, critical, analytical thinking, made decisions everyday in the best interest of the family.

I learned effective planning, efficiency, time management, inventory control, accounts payable, accounts receivable, finance, customer relations (we had visitors come & stay with us for months) and getting work done through other people, domestic help! These are the management skills that I learnt without a fee or a paycheck as an internship. It was a DIY program!

In these days when we talk about equality, I’d like to recognize the outstanding contributions by these five men. If we all can recognize at least one from our life, our vision would be objective and balanced. There are many great men in this world. Society often brings the bad ones in the limelight and fail to recognize the wonderful men that we all have. In today’s media everything needs to be thrilling and exciting that triggers emotion, anger and are divisive rather than the quality of unity, synchronicity! When we focus more on negativity, that’s what you attract in your life, resulting in anger, fear, animosity, manifesting into your health conditions, especially when there are so many wonderful men around.

Remember the pot that’s full doesn’t make any noise. There are many clear lakes that bring oxygen, cool breeze but we often sadly fail to recognize them! We take them for granted. So are wonderful men who sacrifice everything for their parents, siblings, partner and children! Realize many men live on principles not for fame, honor or crown! I am a blessed one to have five in my life.

Oh! Wait! It’s not over yet..Blessings keep pouring in! That makes it seven men! My two son-in-laws are the best in every possible way, kind, considerate, caring and dutiful! Life is beautiful, I am thankful and grateful for the greatness of these special gifts!!

Did I miss anymore? Yes, indeed! Two tiny tots! These two, ten and two years make my day wonderful everyday. I play with them with intense admiration and appreciation for the divine qualities in them, they both are awe inspiring in their own way! The questions they ask, the responses they give, reasons and logic that they present, the irreplaceable love that they express is unique. Nothing, simply nothing can replace these beauties! They chase around me, the ten year old explaining me the minecraft, legos, environmental consciousness,  live games on the laptop is all mesmerizing. Learning never stops if only one is willing to learn from children and grandchildren!

I’m sure you’re blessed too! Keep counting, you’ll see that there’s an abundance of love out there!

It’s the vision, it’s not the sight. We need to train ourselves to see the positivity in the men around us. It’s easy to see a negative behavior of someone out there, conveyed through the media, TV, for profit magazines, argue, discuss and form an opinion but in the process we often tend to miss the positive attitude in the majority of men that are in our lives.

When you focus on that one bad apple in the basket, you forget to enjoy the rest. What kind of lens do you use?

VIJAYA JAYARAMAN

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