THE SANDWICH GENERATION?
You have been on this planet for half a century! Seems like time went by very fast! You have achieved what you’re expected to, completing your education, getting a good job, raising a family, buying assets but not time to retire yet.
Demands are high, challenges keep mounting…the attempt to balance work and life continues…still remind yourself you’re NOT old!
- You’re employed and have an adolescent or adult children at home
This could be more challenging, time sensitive and could also be physically and emotionally draining. These children have much more to deal with their homework, after school classes, friends & hobbies. They’re at an age when they often think they know it all, prefer to make independent decisions, try to stay away from parents, sometimes don’t cherish your cooking and often want to eat out with friends. They’re hooked on to social media. You, as a parent, try to be current with what’s going on, so you can interact with them. The conflict comes when you restrict them to go with the flow because you’re afraid.
It’s important that you recognize their needs, leave them alone, minimize telling them what to do and what not to do directly. As long as they don’t cause harm to themselves and others it’s okay.
Parents often tend to have ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ list. Step back on minor things. Parents need to let children fail, to learn. If you truly want your children to do as you think, you do it consistently. Children do what they see not what’s told. They often like to emulate their parents, be a role model. Give them their space. Encourage them to think logically, analytically, and make decisions. Ask them for help, hold them accountable for certain tasks. Motivate them, forgive instantly when they make errors. Perceived tough period for both parents and children is from 12-19 yrs, it’s an opportunity to make it loving memorable days. Guide them as and when necessary, be firm when need to be. Parents need to accept exponential changes in their children from in this age group in every aspect of life!
2. Reflect- It’s time to reflect on your life and detour wherever necessary. You’re not done as long as you breath. It’s the time to focus on yourself again. Your responsibilities seems to have increased both at work and at home. You want to reach the summit. If you need to upgrade your skills go for it, if you’re getting promotion take it. The more you do the better you get. Opportunity knocks at your door, don’t be afraid. You may get promoted, you may be transferred. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Challenges will increase, so also solutions, learn and grow with them.
Tell yourself you can handle anything that life throws at you. You need to be mentally and physically strong at all times. That’s in your hands. You’ll be caught between family needs and professional growth. Trust that everything will be ok as long as you play your part. Children are intelligent beings. Find out their passion and pave way for them to shine. If you have given them strong moral foundation, they’ll fly high. Remember it’s not always academic focused. They need supportive, encouraging positive role model, together with psychological, emotional support at every stage.
3. Sandwich generation – Every generation is a sandwich generation. You have your parents, children and sometimes grandchildren. You seem to be torn between these responsibilities. Your parents cannot be ignored, because you have many things to do! It’s your duty to help them to be contented.
Parents get old, they might develop health conditions. It’s time that you spend quality time with them as often as possible, which gives them an assurance for their mental well being. Plan it well ahead and be consistent. You’ll notice their needs have changed, limitations have changed. It’s their second childhood. Your kind words works magic and is definitely needed in every aspect.
Make sure you spend quality time with your parents. Those are memorable moments in their life at this time. It’s all the more vital if you’re a busy bee, working and multiple projects. Mark it in the calendar as an appointment, only then it turns out to be a commitment.
Understand their needs instead of giving what you think, they might need. Be patient. During your appointment with them, at least once a week for two hours, just listen to them. Let them voice all their emotions to you, their frustrations, their guilt, their anger, their excitement, their worry and their blessings. They’ll talk about their experiences both positive and otherwise. Simply listen.
Soon everything will be out of their system instead of bottling them up. This will make a very smooth transition to the inevitable. You’ll never be able to see them in that form. This is one grand opportunity to give back!!
This is the time when they don’t expect anything from you except kind words, absolutely nothing else! Eventually you’ll also experience it. Show that you care because they did care for you. They did their best, maybe not the way you expected them to be. What you are today is because of them. They lived in a joint family, finance was often a challenge, even to speak up was difficult. Remember they didn’t leave you on the street.
4. Personal growth, that never stops – Observe your emotions towards all relationships. You maybe angry, frustrated, opinionated, see the differences even with siblings, feel the insults from others. Remember you don’t have to stoop down to those levels. There maybe people who are jealous, who are proud, who compare with you, who feel superior, inferior…Their thoughts will express in their words and behavior. You try to be calm at all times, agree to disagree, learn to see the big picture.
These people have lots of challenges that they’re unable to cope up with and their frustrations are in display. Help wherever you can, when asked for, step back when you can’t. No need for any comments. Silence is golden. Each one has in his/her own path in life. Some may have accomplished lot more than you have done, they may look down upon you. Ignore!
5. Life is not a competition. The more you think about others and compare, you’re going to be agitated. This mental agitation takes a toll on your body. The mind controls the body. That’s when you develop health conditions, go to the doctor, start medication..If you don’t watch what you think, it could be a downward trend to your body. Someone’s daughter is married, got a fabulous job, while your children are not settled yet. Everything happens in its time, not as you expect. Stay away from gossip of any type. Make it a principle not to speak negative about any person in his/her absence.
Life is beautiful! Imagine a highway, going far away from the crowded, congested city to a vast open area full of trees, beautiful flowers, natural beauty with waterfalls and breeze. Everyone is driving towards that ‘La La land’. It doesn’t make sense for you to compare the car models, speed, size or color of other cars on the street. You don’t want to exit because someone else did! You focus on your vehicle, it’s fuel, its speed and your destination. Only then you can enjoy the journey! Life is exactly like it. It’s a journey, have fun with it!
Be kind, caring, considerate and compassionate to everyone that you meet in life, even if they’re rude to you. Taking the higher road only helps you. Negative emotions reflects in your body, just like the acid first attacks the container. They’re highly toxic! Be positive, happy and thankful at all times. When feeling stressed, participate in Reiki, yoga, pranayama. Try not to say, ‘why me?’, because we create our blueprint for next birth. That’s karma theory. Every person and every situation in your life is you earned them.
Last but not least, be proactive and courageous to handle life’s unexpected challenges. Don’t let situations or people pull you down at any time.
You may get laid off, economy might crash resulting in you selling your home at less than half the price, you may lose your loved ones. We’re all travellers, do the best in whatever hat you wear so you can be peaceful when you hit the bed at night! You’ll be ever free of guilt!
Important lesson for inner peace – “Remember when others do good to you, and forget when they wronged you and at the same time, if you offended someone remember it, so one day you can apologize. If you did good to others, forget it, don’t boast about it, instead thank God for giving you an opportunity to help others”.
Learn to see the big picture. Surround yourself with positive people. Move beyond the ritualistic life to spirituality ‘enquiry into existence of life, purpose of life and your connection with the universe’. Attend satsangs, listen to talks. Today, everything is available in youtube. Listening to spiritual talks one hour every week, will help you tremendously in every possible way. You’ll experience a paradigm shift in dealing with life and be more peaceful without fear, anger or worry!
Move on to the next decade!
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