AD-HOC BY DESIGN

When you are an architect, you begin to believe in all things being a part of some carefully thought of grand ‘Design’! So when you are left to figure out details without the plans, what results is an Organic Ad-hoc Chaos! And that by the way is a description of a life as a parent.

Before the outpouring starts this prelude is a must! I’d left the boys last weekend, to their own devices (literally); to be with the man of the house; Soyuz; my Plan-B, My partner who is mostly sleeping (if not working);  Hid well-concealed (read forgotten) secret-weapon-ish-side of being my genius hubby;
the ‘good’ boy that my kids call Papa!!!

This is technically their first all boys time together without any fe-male force to fall back on (read help) and I’m not (jealously) surprised they did fabulously!!! Because an Architect never fails, just like a father never will!

This fatherhood side of him almost has a KGB kind of stealth about it. At times it’s like a top secret thing; where it never surfaces when required, or then turns up later like the proverbial Indian police in movies. Camouflaged or in the face; the father, and his figure has pushed the kids to do their best; and if doing something do it with a passion. He inspires the kids to perform, pushes them to take up a challenge and manage things to the best of their ability..

Soy, Soyuz, meaning Union is definitely the antithesis of his name ‘Union’…he is definitely not the guy who makes team plans. He is the captain, the goalie, the guy running midfield and the entire football field managing your show alone.
That sums it up! He’s either everything or nothing.
He doesn’t have a unionised approach, it’s either my way or the highway with him!

It was Dad’s first attempt at giving Bournvita milk to Reyhann and guess what he maxed it. Rey was raving, he knows how to mix milk , sugar and Bournvita without lumps..too! Way to go, Dad!

Who would have that the tall scrawny guy I met at 16 would grow into this passionate (read eccentric), strict (read fun-loving), hard working (read workaholic) dad (read friend, bully, mentor,child). Would transform into a role model, a happening architect, and play house-house with me!

To be honest we are both atypical and there is a lot to be desired if you look at the standard prototypes of parents. 32 years of staying friends, including 23 years of staying married and 13.5 years of parenting we have evolved into a fine mess with 2 boys to check, question, bust every myth, theory that we propose. Just as I’m not the mother my mom is. He’s not the father he has!

To your credit, you’ve never questioned my mothering style. Nor poked too much fun at it. Just trusted me to bring my brand to bringing up the boys.Thank heavens for that!

Nothing prepares you for marriage, or parenthood. And if you look beyond the cliches this is one of most ‘trying’ (where you have to keep trying, and not give up) phases of life where always primarily ‘trying’ to balance yourself as an individual and as a team without stepping on the other.

Dear Soy (read Father), I have to admit everything you do, is for our future and the future of ‘Architecture’ . So the thrill of watching ‘Grand Design’s on Netflix’ every weekend is almost something of a ritual with the kids, and you.

Watching our sons cuddle up to you as you loudly protest the kicks, as they sleep with you; is clearly one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve had in a long time and when the kids come all dewy eyes, bright and inspired and tell me that I missed a really good lecture that Papa gave them; I know they will be okay and that we as a work-in-progress and learning every day, kind of couple are doing okay, too.

You are the frame that holds this entire house together; and through cracks, and leaks and humidity unrestrained you remind us to give our best in everything. As a partner-in-crime, you gleefully, architect a revolutionary change in all that I perceive and profess… and with just a tweak, a nudge… you shake the entire foundation of all that I held structurally strong. Growing with you has been as glorious as catching the sunrise every morning?

As you lead by example, I’m tempted to quote, Clarence Budington Kelland,
“My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.” I’m glad our kids have you! You and I started off as best friends and I’m glad we still are (on talking terms) after all the debates, discussions and differences of opinion and I hope we leave the kids a wealth of memories to fall back on.

Cheers to parenting-in-progress and for being the father to our little men!
Happy Father’s Day!

The author, Kavita Parwani Talib, is an architect by profession, a wordsmith by hobby. Kavita enjoys weaving words while playing with ideas to transform space. Married to my teenage love, also an Architect; space often becomes a subject of healthy discussion. So be it allowing space, having it back or transforming it offers high points in the otherwise routine stuff. While the pen brings clarity to thoughts, the pencil helps build them. While both know no real limits, architecture brings creativity on all fronts. Needless to say our two boys have to bare the blunt and have us sharpening our pencils in this Design-in-progress.

Between what I live for and what keeps me alive; I often land up in cliched roles; mother, daughter, sister, friend… Otherwise a self-confessed rebel, wannabe poet, avid scrabble buff, cyclist, sometimes…. just lured by the unknown.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Wonder Women World.